Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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