I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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