One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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