is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Alive.
So much puke
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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