she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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