Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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