o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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