I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
