I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
