You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
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She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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