when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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