In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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