Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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