I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have post one night stand depression
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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