just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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