That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
