I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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