wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
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This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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