His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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