A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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