I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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