You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
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i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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