Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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