Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize