Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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