I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
