are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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