FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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