I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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