Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
