how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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