I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
