Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
