Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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