I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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