T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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