i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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