who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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