dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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