So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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