Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
