DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize