you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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