My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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