Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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