we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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