where does the pee come out of this thing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
