I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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