My underwear smells like fireworks.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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