Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
