my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
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So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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