so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
