Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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