you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
