i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
