whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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