Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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