A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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