the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
