you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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