drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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