Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
