Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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