If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
