my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
