My friends, they love my intelligence
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
