i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
