dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
